To the Naked Old Lady at the End of the Bench

Sometimes in life, you spend the night at your boyfriend's, and he forgets to tell you that his hot water heater isn't working, and you decide to shower at the gym by your office because it's more convenient that driving home, and you decide you might as well work out while you're at it. Because you're a goddamn go-getter.

But you're cranky. Because it's 7am and you're sweating. A LOT. And all you want to do is get through this workout and take a nice hot shower in peace.

So when you get back to the locker room, soaked in sweat and tears, and an elderly Asian woman decides she needs to use the locker RIGHT next to yours, you get a little furious. Because you're cranky, sweating, and cornered.

But you're a big kid, so you grab your shower stuff and tell yourself, by the time I'm done showering, she'll be gone and I'll have a luxurious 4 square feet of locker room to myself.

But then you come back from the shower, and SHE'S STILL THERE! But it gets worse, because now she's NAKED. Buck ass naked and sitting on the bench directly in front of your locker. Because she's old and she doesn't have to adhere to traditional rules of locker room decorum.

And you can't say anything, even though you're exasperated. Because she's a Naked Old Lady, and she's earned the right to do whatever the fuck she wants, in whatever state of nakedness she sees fit. So you surrender, because you're a good goddamn person, and you very maturely remove all your stuff and relocate to another bench.

As you nimbly maneuver around the Naked Old Lady, you comfort yourself with this thought: "Just wait 'til I'M old. I'm gonna go EVERYWHERE naked! I'll inconvenience the FUCK out of society!"

Then you suddenly realize how awesome that's going to be, and you start getting really pumped up about getting old, like "Oh MAN! I can't freaking WAIT to be old!" And then you're REALLY excited, like THIS excited:

Source: Tumblr

And now you're laughing because fainting goats are so goddamn hilarious and adorable. And you realize, you learned a valuable lesson today: respect the elderly, for one day you too will be a Naked Old Lady. And it will be good. 

Thanks, Naked Old Lady!