The Coolest Kids You Know: A Cinderella Story

You know that girl in middle school with the trendy scrunchies, who managed to make those horrid gym uniforms look cute and went to live concerts without parental supervision?

Or how about that guy in high school, who could turn a girl's knees to rubber with just the wink of an eye? You know, the guy who never even gave you a sideways glance? Who only dated skinny blonde girls who you simultaneously despised and envied, secretly wishing you were the kind of girl who made boys wink, even if it meant sacrificing your amazing wit, intellect and depth of character?

Oh, and how about that woman at the office who always has great hair and walks with the grace of a supermodel in stilettos? Who is not only gorgeous but also smart and successful? And worst of all, she's super nice so you can't even hate her?

I'm talking about The Coolest Kids You Know. And today, ladies and gentlemen, I proudly count myself among their ranks. For evidence, I present to you Exhibit A:

Sure, my smile might be a little crooked, my hair a little unkempt, my complexion a little pallid. But I also wear two pairs of glasses, a hot new trend in accessorization that's influencing the most fashion-savvy of coworkers. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit B:

Clearly, I have arrived. Let this be an inspiration to you, dear reader. To anyone who's never been cool. ...yet. There is hope! Never give up! Protect your eyes!!! And always remember that I believe in you.