Baby-Making For Profit

I happen to work for a company that sells, among its sundry fine collectibles, a number of items designated as our Royal Collection. Jewelry inspired by Kate Middleton's engagement ring, a bejeweled collector plate depicting the Royal Wedding, and of course, a captivating line-up of porcelain dolls featuring Prince William, Prince Harry (fully clothed, sans pool cue), Duchess Catherine, and - COMING SOON - the "Royal Baby."

Am I the only one who finds this "Royal Watching" trend definitively creepy? I mean, I can understand the appeal of the Royal Wedding. I myself once hid in the bushes for hours, watching our neighbors' backyard wedding reception. I was four years old at the time, but still. I get it.

But the Royal Baby thing freaks me out. I mean, we're talking about a stranger's reproductive system like it's the World Cup with ovaries. We're planning to make a profit on a fetus. And I'm all for making a profit. I just feel a little uncomfortable with the fact that my livelihood now entails paying attention to a stranger's pregnancy. I don't care how fancy or British that stranger may be, I don't want to know anything about her womb.

But I pride myself on my professionalism and dedication to all things collectible. So at this afternoon's planning meeting for the upcoming Royal Baby collection, I dutifully took the following notes.

Trust me, it wouldn't make sense even in context.