I am a lady who eats food. Therefore, I regularly have to poop. And it is really frustrating that if ladies want to talk about having to poop, it is only socially acceptable within the context of Activia, Jamie Lee Curtis's poop-promoting yogurt.
And because it's Jamie Lee Curtis's yogurt, it's not even hip for people under 50 to talk about pooping. Where's Megan Fox talking about how healthy digestion is sexy? Why doesn't Beyonce belt about the benefits of fiber? Has blabbermouth Jennifer Lawrence dropped a p-bomb at a press conference yet?
Quilted Northern toilet paper kind of implies that women poop, but it's "something no one wants to talk about."These uncomfortable ladies aren't really even pooping, which may explain their pained expressions and general anxiety. Their families are the poopers, and, as women, they need to be ever vigilant about the dreaded toilet paper "break through." Where does that leave me? I am single. I live alone. When is it my turn to poop? The media tells me either after I've eaten my Activia or NEVER.
What about those non-threatening bears on the Charmin commercials who are forever pooping in the forest and politely wiping their behinds? Papa Bear and Baby Bear discuss their bear bottoms quite frequently. And, after moving from the forest to a house they probably bought with their commercial residuals, they are often shown looking happy and relieved (sometimes even dancing with joy) as they emerge from the bathroom. The lone naysayer is Mama Bear, whose only role in the family seems to be finger wagging at Baby Bear's sub-par booty wiping. WHEN DOES SHE GET TO USE THE CHARMIN???
I would speak more on this phenomenon, but my Activia has kicked in and I have to take a trip to the ladies' room. That's right - to poop. I will not be carrying a newspaper like my coworker who feels free to announce to the world that he has a standing date with Lady Loo every morning at 10:03 AM. (Personally, I think he likes to rub our noses in his regularity. Don't worry - not literally.) No, my hands will be free because we ladies are dainty, delicate and subtle creatures who simply enjoy posting poop rants on the internet every once in a while. Pass the Charmin!
And because it's Jamie Lee Curtis's yogurt, it's not even hip for people under 50 to talk about pooping. Where's Megan Fox talking about how healthy digestion is sexy? Why doesn't Beyonce belt about the benefits of fiber? Has blabbermouth Jennifer Lawrence dropped a p-bomb at a press conference yet?
Quilted Northern toilet paper kind of implies that women poop, but it's "something no one wants to talk about."These uncomfortable ladies aren't really even pooping, which may explain their pained expressions and general anxiety. Their families are the poopers, and, as women, they need to be ever vigilant about the dreaded toilet paper "break through." Where does that leave me? I am single. I live alone. When is it my turn to poop? The media tells me either after I've eaten my Activia or NEVER.
What about those non-threatening bears on the Charmin commercials who are forever pooping in the forest and politely wiping their behinds? Papa Bear and Baby Bear discuss their bear bottoms quite frequently. And, after moving from the forest to a house they probably bought with their commercial residuals, they are often shown looking happy and relieved (sometimes even dancing with joy) as they emerge from the bathroom. The lone naysayer is Mama Bear, whose only role in the family seems to be finger wagging at Baby Bear's sub-par booty wiping. WHEN DOES SHE GET TO USE THE CHARMIN???
I would speak more on this phenomenon, but my Activia has kicked in and I have to take a trip to the ladies' room. That's right - to poop. I will not be carrying a newspaper like my coworker who feels free to announce to the world that he has a standing date with Lady Loo every morning at 10:03 AM. (Personally, I think he likes to rub our noses in his regularity. Don't worry - not literally.) No, my hands will be free because we ladies are dainty, delicate and subtle creatures who simply enjoy posting poop rants on the internet every once in a while. Pass the Charmin!
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