Ninja-Hacking

Last night, my friend's Facebook got hacked. By a clever young lad whose boundless wit somehow, ingeniously, churned out the following zinger: "I like to eat dog poop."

HILARIOUS!! In fact, in my vast experience monitoring the Facebook feeds of my closest friends and most distant acquaintances, I've never read a more side-splitting hack job (I'm using that correctly, trust me). Except maybe that one (or 40) times someone hacked a straight male friend's account and posted "I like men." Oh, boy, was THAT a laugh riot!

(The best part of writing this is knowing that anyone who thinks those jokes really ARE funny probably won't pick up on my sarcasm anyway. No harm, no foul, right?)

As a writer, a comedian, and a fancy pants lady, I feel it is my duty to speak out against the appalling lack of creativity and innovation in today's social media hijacking hijinks. The discovery of a friend's unattended Facebook page is a rare opportunity to do something amazing for those of us who believe social media's only purpose is to entertain me - I mean, us. So if you're not going to put any effort into capitalizing on this opportunity, I will have no choice but to unfriend the friend who is friends with you. You follow?

So enough with the douchery. Show some self-respect and express your friends' selves with dignity and class. For example, I recently hacked Lizzy's Facebook account and posted "I am a radiant being, filled with light and love." Not only did this increase Lizzy's self-esteem when I told her she must have written it in her sleep, but it went COMPLETELY UNNOTICED as a Facebook hack by all her friends! Do you realize what I did? I single-handedly invented Ninja Hacking!! I am a genius!

Ok, so maybe imagination isn't my strong suit. But at least I tried! And I'm teachable. So please, submit your insights, suggestions, and personal experiences in the comments section below.